Lost In The Past
by broken-angel-shattered-heart
Summary: When the one thing you tried so hard not to face for fear of the pain it could cause, turns out to be the only way to your happiness. AU. A child called Sam is a big focus in this fic. Haunted pasts as always.


**So this is my 1st AU/Lost story, I hope this story entertains you. Disclaimer: I do not own Lost and do not plan to benefit from it in any way, this is all my own work however, back stories are different, they are all mine etc.**

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"Your next two patients are an Edward and a Samuel Grayson, 42 and 16." Kate froze. That wasn't something she wanted to hear.

"I thought I told you, I don't work with kids, send them to Annie." She couldn't control the slight panic that started to build within her like a snake with its prey, she felt her chest tighten and her whole body becoming rigid.

"Annie's booked up; you're the only one that's free." In, out. She tried to calm herself, she didn't need to overreact. Yet there didn't seem to be no way out.

"Kate I don't know what your deal is with children, and I've been polite enough not to ask, but this man and his son have been through a very traumatic week. The father lost his wife, the son a mother and I know you lost yours when you were young, so can't you connect with him on that aspect alone?" Kate let out a deep breath, as she realized she had no other choice, she knew she had no say in the matter really, it was her boss she was talking to after all.

"Send them in."

"They'll be having separate sessions." She felt an intense array of emotions like a car crashing into a tree, at full speed. She imagined she was the tree, she could feel herself slowly snapping, breaking in two.

"What...I thought..."

"I'm sending the son in now." Kate gulps, her throat suddenly dry, as though she hadn't drunk in weeks.

She had to control herself, she scolded herself for getting into this state in the first place. Come on she worked with people all the time she could do this... Oh, my god, she froze, for that one moment she was shot back 16 years.

She shook her head, she couldn't fool herself with those thoughts anymore, and it wasn't possible anymore, now it was just, a tragic coincidence. Her mind playing cruel tricks on her.

"Erm..." Kate couldn't finish her sentence, her mouth left agape.

"Take a seat, its okay, I'm already sitting." The boy rolls in, in a wheel chair. Kate's lip twitches; the kid at least had a sense of humor.

Neither speak for a few moments; they lock eyes, both searching for some kind of clue as to how they would be able to talk to the person opposite them, although for very different reasons.

"Aren't you gonna ask me questions." The boy was the first to break the ice so to speak. Kate blinked a few times.

"We don't need to talk if you don't want to." Kate sits back in her chair. Taking the time to compose herself.

"What do you mean, isn't it your job to get people to speak, open up about their problems?" The boy shakes his head, obviously confused by Kate's behavior.

"I don't need to be here." He carries on talking, Kate having remained silent, staring at him again from across her desk.

"So why are you?" Stillness passes over his face. Damn she got him now; he would have to continue talking to her. He actually was glad for that though because he hated silences. Awkward conversations always surpassed awkward silences. You always one step closer to moving somewhere when talking, even if it's backwards.

Kate stands and walks over to the leather couch she takes a seat there. Looking over her shoulder, she watches as the boy turns around in his chair and faces her.

"My dad..." The boy struggles to finish his sentence.

"He must care an awful lot about you to bring you here, to want to help you through this." Kate tries to encourage the boy, yet it only results in making the boy laugh. This puzzles Kate.

"He's here to help himself, not me. He feels guilty. See I can do your job, I don't need to be here." The boy answers angrily.

"So go." Kate answers simply.

"Excuse me." The kid looks at Kate confused. Wasn't she a shrink? She clearly wasn't the best if she was sending him away, saying that though, he had not been to any but her, so he had none others to compare her to. Maybe it was like some Jedi mind tricks thing.

"Okay, so you think you can do my job, please then explain to me why your dad is here, so you can save me a job of meeting him at least." Kate's answer results in the boy scrunching up his face; she was really a weird shrink, turning away clients, what a weird way to make some money. He smiled he would play her game and he'd show her, if anything he'd do it just to get out of the room quicker.

"He blames himself, thinks that it should've been him that died 'cos he _always_ drives, but I…We had a fight the last night of our trip, so he had a few beers, mom drove the way home and I sat up front..." Sam gulps. He stares ahead; getting lost in the memory, playing this 'game' seemed more difficult than first thought.

Kate stays silent, there's a moments silence before he continues.

"We got the full force of the impact at the front...mom...she died holding my hand, and he believes that should have been him, that it was _his_ job as her husband, he should've been there for her..."

"And how does that make him feel?" Kate could see this was affecting him, but this was her shot at getting him to open up, his eyes are closed tight, his head bowed down. He couldn't get the image of his mom's hand going limp in his own out of his head, it was torturing him.

"He's angry, hurt, he's hurting, and he doesn't know what to do with me, to do with himself now that she's gone." He carries on through his own pain, he always suffered in silence.

Kate continued to write all this down, the boy had quite a good insight, and he probably was right when he said he could do her job, but he did have a few things to learn first, but that would just come with age and life experience.

"What was your fight about?" Kate asks calmly.

The boys head shoots up, caught off guard; it was as though he had just realized wasn't the only one in the room.

"Excuse me?"

"What was the fight about?" The boy looks down at his hands in his lap as Kate inquires further. Her curiosity couldn't help but peak.

"It was my 16th birthday." Kate gulps the date pains her, she regretted being curious, what was that saying. Curiosity killed the cat…

"My folks took me away for the weekend, on a camping trip, for my birthday… We were sat 'round a fire, it was the morning of my birthday and my mom; she just told me I was adopted." The boy looks up at Kate, whose face has frozen; he looks at her strangely, as she blinks several times, and then regains her focus on him, like nothing had happened.

"So what was the fight about? Them lying to you?" Kate questions, her question resulting in a negative shake of the head.

"No… I wouldn't have understood what they were saying at any other age."

"Then what was it about?" Kate had heard many a story about adoptions, mainly from the parents, she had a feeling this one was different somehow. She watches as the boy looks at his hands again.

"I told them that once we returned home, I wanted to look for my birth parents."

That look of stillness flashed across her face again, he waited a few moments until it passed. He couldn't figure out what was causing it, but it was obviously something he was saying or merely his presence that was causing it. Maybe she should be sat where he was.

"How did your parents react?" Their eyes connect again as they both look up from their respective places, her eyes looked haunted, for someone so beautiful, so young, she looked so dark, and empty. Something must have happened to her too.

"My Mom was obviously upset, but she said she would help me, said that she had some stuff back at home that she could show me. My Dad lost it though. He said that they were my parents, that they had raised me for 16 years."

Kate looks down, and takes the moment in writing this down, to think, to focus back on to this boy and help him, it wasn't his felt, that, things hadn't worked out for her.

"What did you say?"

"I said that even though they were my parents and I loved them, I needed to know who my birth parents were, because they were a part of me, whether they loved me or not was irrelevant. That maybe they could explain this part of me that's always felt like an outsider, felt like something wasn't quite 'right.' He explains with such emotion, Kate was quite taken aback by the level of this boy's maturity in his emotions and knowledge.

She continued to write down his story, wishing that this wasn't happening, not like this.

"Then my Dad just started yelling. Saying that they raised me, that _they_ are all I need to know about who I am. He couldn't understand it, didn't want to listen, he _wouldn't_… So he just left. Next thing I see of him, he's sat in the back of the car ready to go home." He laughs slightly at that part, the laugh wasn't humorous though, it was pained, held a lot resentment and blame within it.

"Does your father have these angry outbursts often?" Kate suddenly asks, not quite sure where the question came from, she wasn't surprised at the reaction she got.

"What no! What are you getting at? You're trying to put words into my mouth… I never said…"

"I'm not saying anything, I'm just asking…" Kate speaks softly trying to calm the situation.

"No, is the answer. That was the first time I ever saw him yell, even when I came home one night drunk after our season's end play offs, he didn't yell, just, he never spoke, he just…Just _sat_ with me…"

"How did that make you feel? Seeing your father react so out of character?"

Kate felt a pair of eyes bore into her, she looked down a little uncomfortably under the intensity of the stare, she could still feel his eyes on her as she was looking down. She knew she was being rude by looking away, so she looked up as she heard him speak.

"It just reaffirmed even more that I wanted to find my birth parents."

"Why?" Kate asks surprised.

"Why what?"

"Why did your father reacting badly reaffirm your already need to find your birth parents?"

The boy looks pained a moment.

"Because, after the crash, after my mom had died, I thought that he'd been through too much, and to lose me as well, would be too much…"

This boy was very considerate, putting his own needs after his fathers.

"So, did you?"

"Did I what?" The boy scrunches his face up again.

"Not look for your birth parents?"

"No." This answer surprised Kate. The boy saw this and carried on.

"I know that, he feels keeping me around, somehow keeps her memory more alive, because she…loved me so much… She needed me, and he needed her, so he did all he could to make her happy…"

"How is that?" Kate questions further.

"Agreeing to adopt me… He'd always wanted kids of their own, when they found out my mom couldn't have kids, he wanted to do some surrogacy, but my mom couldn't bear the thought of some other woman making a child with her husband… so they decided on adoption."

"How do you know all this?" The boy laughs sadly at this.

"I told you this therapy wasn't for me. My Dad… He started drinking after my mom's funeral, every night; he'd be sat there in their room out of his face… I, I tried to tell him to stop, told him that she wouldn't have wanted this. He yelled at me, saying that she wasn't here, so what she wanted didn't matter."

"What happened after that?" Kate heart unknowingly speeds up, as she sees the boy look down, his eyes showing some wetness. It only lasts a short moment though, as his face then hardens again.

"What happened?" Kate asks more concerned than she should have.

"We're here. He's getting help, and 'cos he decided he didn't want to lose me, and the one thing she wanted, he brought me along too." He replies with a heavy shrug of the shoulders. She wasn't going to get anymore out of him this session.

Kate nodded giving him a small smile as she finalized some notes. She would slowly get the boy talking about himself; it was always easier talking about others first.

"I'm sorry; I never even asked your name?" The realization of this fact astounds her slightly, that she got so far ahead without even knowing his name. He smiles at her, Kate couldn't help but smile back, it was like a knee jerk reaction, something about that kid, it made her heart swell.

"Sam." Kate smiles at having learnt that fact now, she holds out her hand.

"Nice to meet you Sam, I'm Kate." Sam takes her hand, and as it closes around his own, he closes his eyes, and the image of his moms limp hand is replaced with hers. He smiles, as he opens his eyes. Golden rays of light reflecting of her face, making the freckles on her face stand out like roses in an evergreen field. He hadn't noticed her freckles before, he smirked slightly, they gave her a kind of youthfulness, he wasn't sure if it was just the freckles now, but her whole appearance now looked younger.

"Can I go now?" He didn't know where that in-depth thought process came from; he knew he just had to get out now.

Kate looks at her watch, and then nods agreeing that enough time had been spent for today.

"I'll see you next week." A week; she had a week to build that wall up again, but would that wall really help her with working with Sam, or would it just prevent her from connecting with him. Yet connecting was her problem, she didn't want to connect with him, yet how would she help him otherwise?

Sam nods agreeing to see her next week; he turns around in his chair. Kate stands quickly and jogs over to the door, opening it for him; he gives her a small smile of thanks as he wheels past. As Kate closes the door, she lets out a sigh. That could've been worse she thought. She knew she should feel satisfied, and take solace in how it reminded her of why she took this job in the first place. To help others like her, yet she couldn't help but feel as though things were just going to get more complicated. She walks over to her desk, presses a button on her phone, and speaks.

"Send the father in."

*~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~*

"No, Dad, why did you call him!" She watches as he pleaded with his father.

His Father turned to him, his face stern. She'd seen that look a thousand times before; she knew he was never going to listen.

"He's her father, he has a right to know and so does her mother. You should've told us sooner, and we could've dealt with _this_…" His Father ridiculed them.

"You mean get rid! I would never have let you." His Father turns to him seething.

"You should _never_ have got in this situation in the first place! How stupid are you boy? I thought I taught you better."

"The only thing you taught me is, to do the opposite of everything you say or do." He spat heatedly, his emotions running high.

"No!" An ear piercing scream ran through her, as she watched helplessly as his father gripped him by the scruff of his neck enraged.

"Becoming a Father at 16 is the _right_ thing to do!" His father let go of him with disgust, wiping his hands on his dress pants.

"We love each other! And we will love this baby." She felt his eyes on her own, she hadn't even noticed him looking at her, until she felt him, his stare was somewhat hesitant, yet it held so much strength he held her gaze, reaffirming to her, his words, his love.

His Father laughed.

"Love. You're 16 Jack what do you know about love!" His father shook his head disbelievingly.

She watched now, as he looked at her, she looked at him pleadingly and he walked over towards her, but just as he reached her there was a loud banging on the door. She looked at him panicked; he clutched her hand, as his father went to answer the door.

"Where is she?" She could hear the angry voice of her father. Her hand clutched tightly to the hand holding hers, she'd give anything to have gone with plan b.

He burst through the door like a bull on a rampage, once it was open, his eyes landed on her and him, their hands, then her stomach. They were the red flag. The look that crossed his face, she had never seen anger like it. He raced towards them and ripped them apart throwing Jack to the floor.

"No. Jack!" She cried for him, and she watched as Jack looked up at her father who then picked him up like his father before hers, by the scruff of his neck. He punched him. Tears fell like her, own personal rivulet, she turned to Christian begging.

"Don't just stand there! He's your son, why are you letting him hit him." She grabbed at her father's arms trying to stop him herself, when Christian, pfft, the irony of the name, ceased to stand there and do nothing. Her father easily pushed her back.

"Stop it! Dad stop! Please don't hurt him, stop it!" She cried in vain.

Her father turned to her, as he let Jack fall to the floor, having covered Jack's face with blood, she felt sick. She went to go towards Jack, but her father grabbed her.

"I don't think so Katie. You and him, aint ever gonna touch again, you hear me. Now get out!"

She felt the cold hard vice like grip, clutch onto her arm, she squirms, and his touch just intensified the sickness she felt.

"No, _Dad_ let me go. Jack!" She shouts out for him as her Father drags her out of the house.

"Kate! Kate. No!" She sees Jack staggering towards her but is stopped by his Father who holds him, stopping him going any further, she sees Jack fight, as best as he could, being physically spent from her father's beating, he was shouting out towards her. More tears continue to spill, as her heart starts breaking even more.

"Let me go! Let me, go." She hears Jack's pleas as he tries to fight his father, she sees his bloody face and her heart aches.

"Jack! I love you!" She shouts as her father throws open the passenger side door of his pickup truck.

"I love you too Kate. I love you; I'll find you I promise." That was the last she heard of him, as the door slammed. She looked out the window, and continued to watch as the truck drove away.

She saw Jack's father let him go and watch on with disgust as he let him fall to the floor and watched as his tears fell. Caused more by the emotional pain than, the physical, one. Neither knew this pain was possible, even if they knew deep down this outcome was inevitable.

*~~~~~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~~*

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**I would like to hear what you guys think, should I continue it? I do have a lot of this story already wrote out so it just depends if you want it or not. Thank you to those who have read anyways, if you did enjoy it, surely you can spend 2 seconds writing a review. I won't cry if you don't like it either honest... Well I won't broadcast it anyways haha. So please review you don't want to make me cry ;p**


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